October 18, 2007

Come What May...

Experiencing the birth of our child in 4 months will probably be the most incredible thing that will ever happen to Michael and I. (aside from getting hitched!) It will be even more exciting since we don't know the sex of our child and we'll get to discover whether we have a holy priest or nun (or married person, of course!) in waiting!

When we tell people we're not finding out whether Baby Mauss is a boy or a girl, the common response (in no fault of their own) is to say, "it doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy." Of course Michael and I are praying for a healthy child, but what happens if it's not? We must and do remain completely open to the gifts and challenges that a child with a disability may bring.

Although open and willing to accept what God gives us, to be honest, this is something that scares me. Will I be able to handle anything that lies ahead? How will God break through my selfishness to trust Him this much? Am I willing to let go of my worldly expectations of motherhood and family life and allow God to work in His way? To all three questions, I hope so.

I guess the one thing I've realized the most is that when I try to carve out my own happiness by doing the things either the world or my mind tell me to do, I always end up short and still somewhat empty. But when I abandon all my expectations to God and humbly accept the path He's chosen for me, I may be challenged more but I end up more at peace.

So, with a level of detachment that only comes from God, Michael and I offer Him our child and our family life. He places people and situations in our path for an ordained amount of time, and we must value them always. We will continue to pray for the health of our child, but more importantly to pray for his or her holiness. For, if holiness should come in a way we don't expect, how are we not to want it?

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