July 29, 2008

catching up...

Hello again! I have had the intention of posting for quite some time now, but as all moms know, babies take up a lot of time! (especially babies who now only like to sleep in mom's arms...) I also owe many of you phone calls and emails and I promise I have not forgotten about you, as I think about my friends and family often!

This day finds me doing well, not great, but well. Last week I decided to start the medication for my PPD, and although it leaves me a bit nauseous (no it's not morning sickness...ha ha), I find I'm getting some of my spunk back. At least I'm not as grumpy when waking up every 2 hours at night! As mentioned above, Avila has decided that sleeping in mom's arms is the coolest thing and since we leave for vacation tomorrow, I'm waiting until we get back to work on her sleeping habits (more on this later...).

As mentioned in my previous post, either because of my PPD or because of a hardness of heart on my end, my relationship with God has taken a down turn. Yet, despite my struggles with God at this point, I know he has brought all the challenges of the past few months into my life for very good reasons - reasons that I am coming to know and coming to thank Him for.

The first reason is something Michael pointed out to me a long while ago. All my life I have had control - control over how I did in school, control in my profession of teaching, control in ministry, and I admit some control over my husband...hehe. However, when this little one came into my life all that went out the window and it caught me a bit off guard. I thought that as long as I did things "right" I'd have a happy, sleeping babe and the world would be sunshine and roses. But that little babe has a mind of her own (thank goodness) and God has used her to help me relinquish the control I hold so tight to.

Another reason for these times of struggle is that God uses them to draw us closer to Him. Although I haven't done this well so far, I am beginning to regain my trust in His faithfulness that He will walk with His people during dark times. I have found that I am left angry when I turn against Him and blame Him for my trials. This is so not fun. If I'm going to go through this (and we all have our crosses in one way or another) then I might as well trust in His providence and be excited for the time when I will be brought out of this, whenever it may be.

I don't have all the answers to my questions, but I guess this isn't the point. We can understand only to a point and then we must let go.

On a brighter note, Avila is such a happy girl! We really are blessed with her and see how she is turning into such a beautiful person, both inside and out. Another thing I've realized is that when I focus on the "glass half empty" during my time as a mom I miss out on the incredible gifts God really has given. And I sure don't want to go through this time missing these!

The past couple weeks Avila has learned to sit up on her own, she's started rice cereal, can roll all the way over onto her belly, and can hold herself up for long periods of time while standing. She has also become even more of a talker and will lay in her crib for an hour sometimes talking to the ceiling!

And it's exciting to think she turns 5 months old this Saturday!

carrie and clare came over the visit

(in her new ergobaby!)

1 comment:

Tom and Carrie said...

Yeeeesssss...I will convert everyone to the Ergo! :) Haha...I love you, Kris!