September 1, 2008

the theme of motherhood

Ever since I had Avila there is a word that has followed me and showed up during every aspect of my newly acquired motherhood: acceptance.

Like any new mother, I have spent hours pouring myself over books and baby research to make sure I know all I can to provide the best care for my new little life. (Michael jokes - somewhat - that he wants to throw my books out the window!) But in all actuality I want to be prepared as much as I can for whatever pops up in the course of a day. The funny, thing, however, is that once I feel I have a stage "mastered" and under control, Avila changes it all up on me! This leads me to something extremely important that I realized, actually in Confession, about being a mother: without surrender and acceptance it is hard to survive being a mom.

God must have known what He was doing when he created parenthood. He must have known that I, personally, thrive on knowing what to expect, being in control, and having a plan for any given situation. And this is why God gave me the particular Vocation of being a parent. God doesn't want me comfortable all my life - living each day without a little (or big) something to shake it up every once in a while. These past 6 months I have had to relinquish all my control into the hands of God and allow Him to work through Avila to grow me in holiness.

Without this natural virtue of acceptance nothing makes sense. Without acceptance life is hard...really hard. Without acceptance there can be no hope, for hope is not real unless the end is not seen. I have had to cling tight to this fact, cling tight to God's Will through the sleepless nights, through a baby's fussiness that can't be explained by looking it up in a book, and through the ebb and flow of daily life with a baby. Yet once I chose to accept what God brings me through Avila, life has been so much better! I'm not grumpy when my days don't go as expected, which is a plus for everyone in the Mauss household!

I hope that as the challenges get harder and as we continue to grow our family I will be able to accept God's will in my children and have joy while doing so.

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