December 18, 2008

For all the wives out there...

I heard this on Dr. Laura this morning on my way home from the gym. It rings true and is a good reminder in keeping our emotions on track as women, albeit in a funny way!

The Man Rules

*Men are not mind readers.

*Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

*Sunday sports: it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

*Crying is blackmail.

*Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! (we made this one clear early on...)

*Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

*Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. (OMGosh! so true....)

*Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

*If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

*If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

*You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. (I totally need to work on this one)

*Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (I already broke this rule this afternoon!)

*Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

*All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

*If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

*If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. (Michael can attest to this...)

*If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

*When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.... really.

*Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

*You have enough clothes.

*You have too many shoes.

*I am in shape. round is a shape!

*Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

1 comment:

Tom and Carrie said...

This list is great, Kris! And so true too. Man, I know that I totally fall in to the trap of thinking that Tom can read my mind and thinking that if I hinted enough it equates to just coming out and asking him to do something. Ah, the things we learn...I love you and I'm glad you're all enjoying the snow! We're going to go play with Clare outside today. She loves it! Stay warm and safe, and I'll talk to you soon!