For the past few months, every single time I have sat down to write about something other than babies (and yes, one could simply write about babies and the world would be complete) I start sweating. My brain shuts down, my fingers forget how to type, and my heart starts racing. At first I blamed it on having a newborn. I blamed it on a lack of sleep and the fact that I rarely have two minutes to sit down. But, in reflecting lately on why I can't seem to form more than a paragraph, I discovered something else - something much more debilitating:
You see, I have all these thoughts and ideas and reflections hidden inside of me and many times I feel the tug to share them but then I start thinking all these random thoughts:
"Am I talking too much about God?"
"Am I talking too little about God?"
"Does anyone really care about how a lack of sleep can be a path to heaven?"
"How will this be perceived?"
"Do I sound too vain, too self-righteous, too offensive, too boring?"
"Should I even be blogging anymore?"
A sense of fear overwhelms me and before I can brush it off and finish what I'm writing, a dirty diaper or snack time call my name. And then, because I left my thoughts in a pile of wishy-washy afraid-ness (yes, I just made that up) I have little motivation to return to them.
Perhaps this fear is rooted in vanity, perhaps it is rooted in distractions from the Evil One - especially when what I wish to put down on paper has to do with how God speaks to me through the little moments of my day - perhaps it is rooted in not wanting to take time away from my kids or perhaps it's something else all together. But no matter, I realized that writing is too much a part of me to let it slip by the wayside - especially in the name of fear.
I just stumbled across this post about the habits of great writers. And, while I don't necessarily strive to be a great writer, I do want to at least write again. So, the first habit is to declare - to declare that you are a writer. Not just to a wall or a piece of paper, but to an actual person. And since Avila would look at me weird if I went up to her and said, "I am a writer," I say it to you now, o friends of the blog world:
"I am a writer."
Whether it comes out eloquent or crappy is going to be up to the amount of sleep I had and no longer up to the fear I possess. God put words on my fingers for a reason and I can't let them sit there any longer.
I also challenge you, my friends, to do the same. If you have a medium of being able to share your life and what God may be doing through it, don't let fear stop you like it's stopped me. Share what your family is up to, how God is working through your life, and how cute those baby pictures are. You never know how much it will touch someone else, because it surely does touch me.
And so, as I continue down the road of being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and child of God I hope you'll come along with me. Drop by to see how the kids are doing and how God is working in our lives and don't be afraid to say hi!
Because I will no longer be afraid to say "hi" back.