September 18, 2012

This is so not easy.

It's been a hard couple weeks with the kids. Like crazy hard. Like want to ship them back from wherever they came from hard. They've been sick (which has resulted in a couple extra hours of work a day on top of life in general) and emotional and testing the boundaries and Levi decided to get more teeth in, too.

And so I admit it: having kids is not easy. I guess no one ever said it was gonna be, and perhaps we're just in a season of hardness, but I will be the voice of every mom who wants to admit that having kids sucks sometimes but can't say it out loud.

You see, in a world that doesn't value children or, at the least, looks at them as inconveniences to be maintained, we may feel convicted to keep all our venting and frustrations inside. Because if we let on that having kids is hard then "the world" can point at us and laugh and say "haha I told you so. Down with kids!" Or something like that.... We may feel like we need to always have it together (um, especially at the grocery store) and if we succumb to the fact that we can't do it all, then somehow we've failed.

But I'm here to tell you that it's OK to say kids are hard. It's OK to feel overwhelmed with one or two or three kids even though there are lots of moms with twice that many. It's OK to feel like you want to throw in the towel and move to the beach. (Maui, to be exact.)

Is this to say that we give up and join the cacophony of voices who shout that the answer is no more kids? No. It means that we admit the truth of how we feel and then we pick ourselves up and move on. We get through it and find as much joy and peace as possible. It means we adjust our schedules, our expectations, our thoughts of of what it means to be a mom and we welcome the understanding that the best things usually arise from the hardest of situations. We take comfort in the fact that not all of life will be measured in the number of poopy diapers a day or hours minutes someone has to sit in timeout. And we try to understand all the wonderful grown women who reassure us that this is the "best time in our lives."

Are they right? In some ways, no. When you deal with being pregnant or nursing for 6 summers in a row then, no. If you look at the 3 minutes of down time you get a day, then, no. If you focus on the dependency that little ones bring to the days and years then, no. But on the other hand, if you look at their innocence, their joy, their hugs and kisses, the fact that they are unstained by the world and their ability to be under complete parental control (that last one is my fav), then, yes. This time (despite all the crappy crap) is awesome. Finding the balance is never easy, and having kids is never easy, but the love they bring and the lessons they teach are the greatest silver lining amongst the dark clouds that can come with raising them.

Plus, when I have moments like this I remind myself, hey it's not all that bad.


Mountain Mama said...

Very VERY well-said. My thoughts daily, hourly, secondly?!?!? ;) Can I share this? (really....I would love to!) Let me know! :) You are a fabulous Mommy, Kris.

Michael and Kristine said...

well, thank you. it was honest :) and you are more than welcome to share!

Val said...

Thanks for writing this post! I have this same train of thoughts ALL the time. I wish the world wasn't so quick to write off anything that involves hardship as worthless or unwanted. These babies suck to raise sometimes, but they're worth every ounce of hardship. I can only say that honestly right now because all 3 are napping. Thank you God!!