September 23, 2013

That moment when everything seems perfectly all right.

And yes, I did have to google the use between all right and alright.

But all kidding (or is is alkidding?) aside, last night God gave me a little glimpse of just what I needed.

Life is full of so many unknowns it's hard to keep track or have the energy to worry about them all. Most of the time these situations are better than anything else we could've conjured up on our own. But some of the time these things leave us scared out of our minds - or worse, they turn life upside down and bring trial and challenge and grief. None of us is immune from it. We can all look back and see the wonderful things that arose from a heap of unknown. We can all look back and see the cross we were asked to bear because of the unknown. Either way it's a place mixed with excitement, trepidation, nervousness and a whole lotta trust.

For me, this time this place of unknown is filled with a cross. A big, huge, freaking heavy cross that I must bear and that I must carry to who knows where and for who knows how long. No details are needed at this point - just that it's laying right in front of me ready to be picked up for the journey ahead. Not that I can escape it, mind you. It is mine no matter what I choose to do with it. We all have those crosses don't we? The situations, the circumstances that we must bear no matter what. There is no way out.

So what's a girl to do?

I guess I'm not someone who just sits back and lets life happen - good or bad. I've done enough of that and if things are going to happen anyway I might as well pick myself up and embrace whatever is to come. And not just embrace or accept it with resignation, but with love.

At times the Cross appears without our looking for it: it is Christ who is seeking us out. And if by chance, before this unexpected Cross which, perhaps, is therefore more difficult to understand, your heart were to show repugnance...don't give it consolations. And, filled with a noble compassion, when it asks for them, say to it slowly, as one speaking in confidence: “Heart: heart on the Cross! Heart on the Cross!” 

St. Josemaria Escriva, Way of the Cross, fifth station

So instead of letting my heart look for consolations for it wanting to reject the difficulties that lie ahead, I will mount it to the Cross, with the Heart of Christ. Easier said than done, fo sho. But Blessed Mother Teresa always said that the Cross, our cross, is the moment when Jesus has kissed us - to unite us closer to him not only in suffering but also in the glory and peace that's surely to follow.

Last night, while wrestling rocking Levi to sleep, I was thinking about the days ahead. And then this little guy stopped wriggling, looked up at me, let out a big sigh, and fell deeply onto my chest in perfect peace and security. And for that moment all was right with the world.

So I guess now is my turn to do the same. For me to stop wriggling and fighting and look into my Saviour's eyes and let out my own sigh and fall into His arms in peace and security. For no matter where the road or the journey leads I know I am safe in His holy, loving and protecting arms. And - come good times or trials - there is no other place I would rather be.

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