Not this time. Oh lawdy, not this time.
It was like an earthquake went off - a pressure cooker of whatever was cooking exploded because of two little (and I mean super easy to clean up compared to dried cheese on the floor) brown trails left by a certain sad and remorseful 3-year-old. I was mama bulldozer ready to smush whatever was in my tracks. Sooooooo not proud of my performance tonight. After confining the big kids to their beds to read, I put Levi to bed, which is always a time of thinking for me. C'mon who wouldn't get lost in their thoughts when the most snuggly toddler is burrowing his lips into your cheeks and stroking your hair?
In that moment I had two choices: to let myself stay mad while I put the big kids to bed or suck it up and ask them for forgiveness. Because Mr. Toddler Man wooed me into peace and tranquility I chose the later. Plus, I was in the wrong. Sure Max shouldn't have pooped on the CARPET but I could totally tell it was an accident and he was so super duper doggy eyed sad about it. And Avila was trying to help him/me in any way she could and I still laid into her. Boooooooo, bad mommy. Anyway, we all snuggled in Avila's bed and I apologized and of course they forgave me and said, "That's OK." But I told them it's not OK - that while mom is allowed to get mad she's not allowed to fly off the witch broom handle. That sometimes I make bad choices and need to ask for forgiveness and that I need them to pray for me that I make good choices.
While I'm not proud of myself for said behavior, I am grateful they get to experiences real life and that we are never going to be perfect - that the test of real character is picking oneself up and admitting when we're wrong. Their forgiveness means the world to me and I know this won't be the last time I'll need to ask for it.