If you really want a list here is what I'm kind of nervous of come July:
-summer baby: meaning I'll have to go to bed early when it's still light out and all I want to do is drink wine on the patio with my husband
-feeling like death on no sleep
-my wonderfully crafted routine thrown out the window
-running errands with four kids under 6
-when in the world am I going to run?
-and probably a million other things going through my head at any given moment…..
But for some reason I'm really not all that worried. For everything that could (and will) go wrong with throwing another baby into the mix there is one piece of truth the triumphs any other piece of annoyance:
When Levi was born I made a huge point to take things one day, sometimes one moment, at a time. I made a "bare minimum" list that included the only things I had to do for the day: pick up, dishes, take meds, nurse. And anything else was bonus. In the mornings I would try to be productive (meaning get up off the couch) and then after lunch I kicked my feet up to gain strength for the following sleepless night. And each day (no matter how little sleep I got) I somehow had the grace to make it through with just the right amount of energy I needed. Slowly I found I could start adding other things into my day (picking up running my 6 weeks, hmmmm maybe this means my like one fall marathon could happen??) and by Levi's 4month mark we were settling back to life as usual.
But even if everything goes completely different this time and even if everything sucks (which I can't say anymore, BTW, because Avila turned to Levi last night and said, "Levi, you suck.") I still have grace. I have full confidence and hope that I will be carried during the times I can barely stand. In response to all the concerns I listed above, here is what Grace is telling me to think about instead:
-summer baby? Yeah well, that just means you'll have a great excuse to sit outside all day and kick your feet up and hang out with the kids and get a tan…
-feeling like death on no sleep? Sure, but "My grace is sufficient for you…" Plus the stupid newborn stage will go by quickly
--4 children?!! Well, baby #4 is just going to learn that there are 3 others who need attention and he or she will have to get used to staring at a wall sometimes. Plus Avila is freakishly helpful when it comes to babies. Plus your house will be full of so much joy (and poop). Plus you get to use cute baby clothes. Plus you get to hold a baby whenever you want and fill those empty arms once again.
-my wonderfully crafted routine thrown out the window? How many times has this routine been shaken up and you've survived and come out better on the other side? Case in point.
-more laundry? The big kids are starting to become rock stars at folding and putting away and all the kids' clothes will be their job. Boom.
-running errands with four kids under 6? Well, you do have a cute baby carrier and two helpful older kids and plus you won't just be able to pick up and go when you want so you'll be better prepared or get to go by yourself!
-when in the world am I going to run? It may be tricky in the beginning but remember, when Levi was born you couldn't run three miles. That turned into 15 marathons/ultra-marathons. Don't limit yourself by the unknown and the scary. Trust. Take a leap. You never know what's on the other side...
-and probably a million other things going through my head at any given moment….. Yeah, well, don't worry about things that haven't even happened yet. And if they do happen still don't worry. "cause remember: Grace.
So there. My tongue is out to all the nagging thoughts in my head about how in the world am I going to do this. And even if it really does suck (shoot that word again) in about a year this little one will be growing up and I'll forget about the hard stuff and then I'll be dealing with a stupid toddler again.
Like this one:
Yeah, see…God makes 'em cute so you keep having 'em over and over and over.