March 23, 2015
When it all seems too much.
Yesterday, while rocking Lola after a marathon nursing sesh right before bed, I did what I usually do while rocking Lola: I exhaled.
A big, freaking long, worn out, sink into the chair exhale.
Sometimes I wonder: how will I go on? Not in a despairing sort of way. But rather in a "I am responsible for so many important things and (little) people and if one of the pieces gets broken the whole darn puzzle is ruined" sort of way.
Know what I mean?
After that exhale I tallied it all up in my head - everything on this mama's plate: homeschooling, running a household, being a support to a busy busy man, cooking, scheduling, working out, blogging, dealing with health issues, so much laundry, so much poop, and the mommy list goes on and on. Now I really know you know what I mean. 'Cause you're there, too, right??! Sometimes we think of all those balls in the air and they become heavy - almost too heavy to keep juggling. We feel as if one will come down crashing, at any moment, at then it all will be at a loss.
So, what's a mama (or a papa or a grandpa) to do??? I don't have all the answers but I do know this: it'll be alright.
God has asked me to do each and every one of those things I listed above. (How do I know? Well, that's a whole other post....) And if He's asked me to be responsible and tend to the sheep in this crazy sort of way then I guess (no, i KNOW) He will give me the strength. His burden easy and light? Yup, I'll take that one please.
In more practical terms ('cause even though God asks me to do these things He doesn't give me a magic wand to whip them all out...but that would be awesome) here are some things I've found helpful during the days, the moments, the seasons when it all seems too much:
**I smile. Yup. After my exhale, I smiled. There is just something peaceful and relaxing about smiling - something that forces the body to chill out and focus on the good. And I have so much good.
**I stop multi-tasking. I actually stopped this one a looong time ago (because it's annoying and overwhelming to me) and I focus on the task at hand, and only the task at hand. Whilst snuggling Lola my brain wanted to remind me of the 11,000 things I had to do. But snuggling Lola was more important (and preferable to those 11,000 things) and I let myself be in THAT moment. Folding laundry? Sometimes I talk on the phone but mostly I just. fold. laundry. No music, no TV. Making lunch? Sometimes I play the school review on the computer for the kids but mostly I just. make. lunch. Try it out. The brain needs a rest.
**I remind myself that everything will not fall apart. And then I remind myself of this over and over.
**I tell myself I'm not in charge. It's not up to me to save the world. My only job is to be a darn good wife and mother and to focus on the task at hand. Gotta take the pressure off, man.
**I remain GRATEFUL. Dude, this one is tops. And I battle for gratefulness everyday. Whenever (and autocorrect just turned that one into whiners...bahahahaha) I want to complain I stop myself, immediately, and make my brain tell my heart every-thing that I have to be grateful for. And in almost an instant my grumpiness or overwhelmedness turns around and I am supported by the peace of knowing that, even if everything does fall apart, I still have so much to be thankful for.
OK, so I guess it WILL be alright. As I face another Monday, another week, I embrace that big long list. I'll take it moment by moment - chiseling away at the sculpture of my life (ooooo, like that one?!) until the masterpiece is formed. It may take years and years to finish but that's just fine. In the meantime I will roll up my sleeves and make some pancakes (and bone broth...mmmmmm) and juggle the balls with pretty pink fingernails.