February 12, 2015

50 Shades of No Thank You

Most of the time I just wake up, down my super hot super black coffee, say my little prayers, and then start typing away with whatever pops into my head. But this morning it's a bit different (although same coffee same prayers). You see, I've been mulling over this post in my head and heart for a little bit and who knows if it'll come out eloquently or not but I'll give it a shot. I do have extra time to write this morning because Lola was dumb loud at 4:59AM this morning and I just couldn't go back to sleep (plus I set the coffee pot for 5AM and I could smell the sweetness on the pillow...mmmmm). So I guess this is (in a not fun kind of trickster way) God giving me a few extra minutes to write about something that will, hopefully, make people think.

If you didn't get it from the title this is a post about why I won't be seeing the 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy - books or movie. No creative, sarcastic way to say it - I just won't be there.

Listen, I totally get the hype and interest and desire to jump on the 50 Shades bandwagon. Love and being loved is at the deepest root of who we are - especially women. We want to be desired, longed for, pined after, sought out, fought for, and enraptured with love. This desire to be loved (in a deep deep way) is a good thing. Why? Because we were created that way, from. the. beginning. It's just that, well, it can get clouded and we can get caught up searching for this love anywhere, at all costs.

You see, after Eve (and Adam) ate that apple (and boy is there more to it than eating the apple - it was a questioning of their sexuality....but more on that sometime later) God laid out the consequences that would naturally unfold from their act of disobedience. For men (Gen 3:17), you shall toil the earth. AKA: your work that once brought peace and fulfillment will now bring drudgery and burden. I'm totes paraphrasing but you get the idea. For women (Gen 3:16), shame (a self-loathe of our bodies), pain in childbearing (again a certain drudgery of motherhood mixed in with babies seen more of as a burden), and the final one that took me a bit to understand:

Your desire shall be for your husband and your husband shall me your master.

What the heck does that mean??? When I finally figured it out, it all made sense: Because us women want to be LOVED SO DAMN BAD we will ultimately do anything to receive it: lowering our standards, not speaking up, pushing our convictions and conscience under the rug lest it get in the way of the "love" of a man. Now, I'm not saying all women do this and I'm not saying all men don't give true love. Duh. But what it does mean is that sometimes us women get confused. We have a nagging in our hearts that says chains and whips (aka: 50 Shades) really don't make us feel all that comfortable. But we brush this off as prudishness and tell ourselves to "c'mon, branch out a little."

And deep down, in that part that wants to be cherished, we know that there must be a better way.

You see, I'm advocating that we skip 50 Shades for the fact that we shouldn't confuse ourselves more. It's not just entertainment - it's a book/movie/trilogy that has the capability to further damage our wounded hearts, leave us confused about what true sacrificial self-giving love really is, and it has the power to damage already good relationships. Perhaps husbands (going against their better judgement) will think this is the new way women want to be loved. And, after years and years of society telling them they need to "give more" that same group of people is saying "haha just kidding. tie me up and have your way with me and forget about all the self-giving stuff, I was just kidding." (Talk about a backwards step of 100 years. Poor Susan B. Anthony must be rolling in her grave....)

Lest I keep babbling and dragging on, I propose a better way. Instead of opening ourselves up to confusion even more, let's ignore all the hype and truly love this Valentine's Day. Let's embrace the fact that the only way to happy dappy sappy love is by means of it being: FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL ad FRUITFUL.

St. Pope John Paul said that, "man became an image of God not only through his own humanity, but also through the communion of persons, which man and woman form from the very beginning." Namely, through the "two become one" in marriage, a husband and wife enter into, reflect, and point to the union of the Trinity and Trinitarian Love. Sexual union was also created to foreshadow our union with God in heaven and the ecstasy of our dwelling in this love. (Talk about heart-racing stuff.)

And the (so not narrow-minded) Catholic Church (in the Catechism) claims that the marriage bed is the altar of the home. What the what?! To quote Hozier, take me to church baby.

Instead of spending the $17,000 on a movie ticket (I remember when I got pissed they raised the price to $3.25) spend that money on a hot piece of something something and woo your husband. Tell your man that "hey baby I don't need no movie, no chains, no nothing to excite me but the depth of your love" and watch that man become butta in yo hands. Build him up for all the crap they endure in life for us (and let's face it because of us hahaha) and watch him desire to give you the world. I'm not saying we should "flip-the-coin" and become the dominating ones - I'm just saying we need to forget about all the take take take and work more on the give give give.

Buuuutttttt even if I didn't buy into hashtag all of the above, let's just say I wouldn't see this movie with 200 other people. Weird. I'll just call it what it is: it's like watching pornography with hundreds of strangers. Add in the fact that theaters are banning props and you have my case in point. Oh and PS: it got like 2 outta 5 stars. Save yo money and get a pedicure. With me. Because remember, I'm due.

Alright, off my soapbox. I didn't cover it aaaallllll but I did babble on longer 'cause I'm avoiding washing my hair. It's been 7 days. I hate washing my hair. Perhaps instead of seeing 50 Shades I'll wash my hair.

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